This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things!

Xbox-One

Yesterday the internet scored a major victory: It caused so much of a ruckus that it made Microsoft repeal its all digital game management system.  I however am not celebrating, no I am mourning the loss of the future.

Once people heard that the Xbox One would have to check in with its central servers every twenty-four hours in order to play their games they went ballistic.  They cried about how Microsoft was changing ownership, and how that they only ever went on the internet to complain on forums and other than that they were always in their internetless mountain hideaways.  How Microsoft was punching the poor in the face and spitting on our service members, but they forgot to stop and think about what they were gaining.

We were so close to being able to throw disks away, and not only that but than be able to trade in and share our digital content with our friends.  Once we bought a game from a store we would have installed it and activated it with our accounts, and at that point if we ever lost the disk or scratched it we could just download it again, or with my favorite ten friends and family members I could digitally loan my games to them, or if I decided I didn’t want the game anymore I could give it to one of them, or go to the store and have them remove it from my account and than have them give me money for it, but to insure that you uninstalled it Microsoft would have to check once every twenty-four hours to see that you deleted it.

But “No!” the internet said, “Microsoft is going to use the Kinect to spy on you, and every twenty-four hours they are going to watch me playing video games, and yelling at my Kinect to pause.”  Microsoft explained that the update would only include bytes of data, just an encrypted list of your game licenses and you can turn your Kinect off, but the internet wouldn’t listen, and now we are going to have to buy and manage our games the old fashioned way, and I am sad that we never made it to the future.

True Microsoft should have included an offline mode that let you disconnect and not share or add games to your account for like two weeks or something, and if you never connect to the internet than this wasn’t console for you. I wanted the future.  But thanks to raging nerds, we can’t have nice things.

Spend Some Time With The Nerdist!

nerdist

So my wife was playing with the Xfinity app on my Xbox, and she found a cool little show on BBC America called The Nerdist.  The host is Chris Hardwick of Attack of the Show fame, and his cohosts are Jonah Ray and Matt Mira.

It is fitting that Chris Hardwick used to be on Attack of the Show because The Nerdist is very similar, except they took all the lame stuff out like relationship advice, and it is just about geeky topics and culture.

Hardwick and his gang are very funny, and it is good to have at least one good geeky talk show left on TV.  If you have access to it you should watch it, or you can listen to their podcast.

Shmee Plays Rayman Jungle Run!

Rayman Jungle Run1

Now I know this game has been out for awhile on mobile phones, but hey I just found it so stop judging me!  Rayman Jungle Run is a 2D side scrolling continuously running platformer, so they pretty much got the idea from Temple Run, but than made it 2D and it stars Rayman.

The game is very simple to play.  Rayman is always running, so to keep him alive you either need to tap the left side of your screen once to jump, hold the left side of your screen to hover, or tap the right side of your screen to punch.  The further you advance the harder the challenges get.  The better you do on the runs the more cool stuff you unlock.

What I like about this game is that they added some more platforming elements, like wall jumping and swinging vines in to the game instead of just copying Temple Run, so it almost feels like a Sonic game, and that is much more fun.  It is a little pricey compared to your standard app at $2.99, but it is so well put together it is well worth the money.

The graphics are nice and cheery, and it brings back memories of playing Rayman on my computer.  The Rayman games used to be the only good platforming games on the PC, sigh, and now I feel old, but it is good to see the old Frenchman has got a few tricks left up his sleeve.

If you are looking for a nice game to play for a couple minutes or a few hours than give Rayman Jungle Run a try.  It has simple but effective controls, and it looks great.

Check out Continuum!

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Continuum is a Canadian show that started airing in 2012.  It stars the Green Girl from the 2009 Star Trek reboot (Rachel Nichols), and it is about time travel.

The show is about a cop from 2077 trying to stop a group of terrorists from the same time as they try and take down companies in 2012 that overthrow the government in our future and their past.  Pretty much she is from the future, so compared to us she has supper powers.

The show has an interesting premise and good actors, and I am always up for a good Sci-fi show on TV.  It can dip in to standard Police Procedural mode at times, but for the most part its Sci-Fi roots save it from that.

If you are looking for something to watch during the long summer evenings it is on Netflix streaming, so you should give it a try.

Shmee endures Caddyshack II!

caddy-shack-ii-1

I was on a nostalgia kick and I saw Caddyshack II on HBO Go, and I thought to myself, “Hey Caddyshack is funny and I have never seen two, so why not?”  I should have punched myself in the brain.  This movie is bad.

Caddyshack II is obviously the follow up to the classic Caddyshack.  It came out eight years after the first movie, and it features almost none of the original cast except for Chevy Chase.  It was nominated for four Golden Raspberries and it won two: Worst Supporting Actor for Dan Aykroyd, and Worst Original Song for Jack Fresh.  I can’t believe that I made it through the entire movie.

The story still takes place at Bushwood Country Club, and the gopher is in it, but he has now been upgraded to a major character.  Since Rodney Dangerfield refused to be in it after he read the script he was replaced by Jackie Mason, and it was not an upgrade.  He is trying to join the country club for his daughter who likes to play golf, but the snobby members of the club will not let him in because he is building low income housing near the nice part of town.  This causes apparent zany antics to ensue (or maybe not so apparent).

This is one of those movies that is amazing it ever got a major release.  If the script is so bad Dangerfield will not be in it, you know you are making train wreck, and sadly not even the entertaining kind.  On Chase’s last day of shooting he supposedly told the director Allan Arkush to call him when they were going to add the laugh track.

Speaking of Chase, he is in this movie for like five minutes total, and they are by far the best five minutes of the movie.  That man is a gifted comedian, but still there are another ninety-five minutes of movie to sit through.

You would think that Dan Aykroyd would be decent replacement for Bill Murray, not as good perhaps, but he as made some very funny moves, but they gave him nothing to do in this movie.  He just talks weird and bumbles in the least funny manner, and yet we were supposed to believe that he used to be Special Forces, and that as a Special Forces member his plan to kill someone would involve driving a golf ball through their head, and yes I do mean drive as in hit a ball with a driver and aim for their head.

For all those fill makers out their that are planning sequels, and that is a lot of you.  You should not make it if your biggest returning star is barley in the movie, so the real returning star is a gopher puppet.  It will not work.  As for the rest of you, do not see this movie.  I know this warning may have come twenty-five years too late, but if I save just one I will have done my job.